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January 22, 2018 Jigna Tanna 0 comments

“If we open a quarrel between the past & the present,

We shall always have a bleak future.”

Mulling over the past or on the periphery of the present.  A question many ask but never realize that the answer lies within. Let me give you an activity. Grab a piece of paper &write down all the whacky things that you remember doing in the past when you were young. Look at that paper & tick off all the stuffs that still happens. There is almost nothing ticked. Right? You may wonder how you got here.

While we are connecting with the people around us or apologizing or blaming people, there is something that we give & receive in this process. Sometimes we like doing things we did in the past & other times we regret of few things, we did in the past. There are times when one is unaware of this delicate balance of giving & taking of actions & emotions that has taken place in the past or is going to take place in the presence.

I have seen so many people fighting about giving everything they have & in return, all they get is ‘taken for granted’, or ‘I am used’.

Hold on, I know you are nodding too. Stop right there! Take a moment & think. Are you sure you are giving something selflessly to people around you, without expecting anything in return? The answer is NO…..

Let me explain. When you do something with expectation, you give people around you something that will fulfill your expectation in return. But then you never stop to wonder, what am I doing wrong? What am I doing to make this relationship grow? When you & people around you who you are in relationship with togather, there may be stuff that grows ugly between you, tempers flying, finances going low, personality going haywire, you wonder what is going wrong?

Your mind goes in a conflict. Was it the stark contrast between reality & expectations? Was it a war between words & actions? May be, that is what affects your entire future tense. The difference between reality & expectations is to get something new done & face the facts of coming out from the past & taking steps towards living in the naked truth of the persistent present,

“Now let’s move on to the present.

‘Yesterday was history,

Tomorrow is the mystery

Today is the gift of god

Which is why we call it


Following is the story of my client who I encountered on my frequent travel to USA. Rihana & her significant other Conner were a happy couple. No problems in their high school relationship. But as time flew, frequent fights, misunderstandings & mistrust started creeping in their wonderful relationship. Rihana grew to be very upset when they fought. Of course, there are no such relationships without fights or misunderstanding, but Rihana was deeply troubled.

The problem was that she kept too of high expectations for both of them to comply. When her past expectations were high, she was stuck in the past & could not move on. Their relationship only went back to worst & she grew to be verbally abusive & both of them had a huge fight that ended up in one year split. Fortunately for her, Conner was dead against on breaking up the relationship & he loved Rihana so much that he made up his mind to compromise & get her back in his life.

Rihana on seeing Conner’s efforts & love, to patch up the relationship made her realize her mistake & she decided not to mull over the past but paint an amazing present & future for both of them. Now two years down the lane they are parents of a bonny baby boy, Rick & both still seem to be in their honeymoon phase.

The moral is,

The past shall remain, but you are what you make of your present.